A big shocker: I hate my job.
I work with awesome people. These people are good at what they do and they love it. They have personality, and are funny, and I get the sense that they are just good people. My work environment is safe, and I am fully aware that there are many people who would love to sit at a desk all day. I even have grown accustomed to that part and can't say that it's the worst thing anymore.
The problem is that I am absolutely passionate about everything to do with nursing and medicine and surgery and public health and disaster relief, and feel almost exactly the opposite about business cases and risk assessments and board reports.
A fun little fact: some nurses have to make business cases and board reports. Assessing a patient is a type of risk assessment. (I must point out that it's actually not the process of risk assessment that I hate - it's the fact that I am assessing risk on things that are not living beings. I understand the importance on a mental level, but it does not resonate with me.)
So, I have chosen to be miserable until such a time that I can go to nursing school. But today I am reversing that decision. I am going to choose to be as much a learner here as I am when I dig into chemistry videos or articles about nursing as a career. Every day, I will ask myself: What can I learn here today? It may be something that only helps me until I leave. Then again, it might be something that helps me in communicating with doctors, in organizing my thoughts, prioritizing, focusing. And it could very well be that one day I will need to present to a hospital board of directors.
Can I give some credit where credit is due? A dear friend points this out. Where life is unfair (and this is hardly unfair; I am being paid), there is always a reason -- there is always something we are meant to learn.
Why am I here today? What is it I'm supposed to be learning from this? How can I better live today?